Where has the emotion gone?

When I think about my first Ironman I feel...not much, a couple butterflies in the stomach, but no real sense of what I am about to do in 3 weeks.

I think one of the greatest things I've done in this journey is get a coach.  Its let me enjoy the day to day journey so much more, not stressing about what the numbers mean, if I'm doing enough, or if I'm doing the right thing.  I see my schedule and I go do it, unless my body says otherwise. I just enjoy the moment, not thinking much further beyond how my legs feel putting pressure on the pedals, or the sensation of gliding over miles of pavement as my feet pull me forward.  There is no stress or over thinking, which is exactly the opposite of how I thought I would feel, I thought relinquishing some control would be a challenge.  It let me disconnect and just put in the miles and focus on my body.  (Secret to my success coach Lucho)

When I thought about Ironman 10 months ago when I signed up, it sometimes brought tears to my eyes.  The thought of transversing 140.6 miles, intense feelings of fear, excitement and trepidation evoked a serious emotional response.

I don't know if I've lost that, or overcome it.  I'm wondering if I've disconnected the process too much from the end goal.  I'm not training to train, I'm training to race, I can't forget that.

At the same time when I think about the race I have this unwavering confidence that I will finish it, that doesn't bring any fear, but some fear would be healthy right?

I think I need to start running the race through my head, trying to wrap my head around how big of a challenge this will be.  I need to stop thinking in segments and start thinking about the race as a whole, because thats what makes it such a crazy event.

If there is one constant in every first Ironman race report I read, its that things didn't go to plan, problem solving on the go seems to be the norm.  I don't know how I can even begin to have expectations when the single thing that seems to define almost all Ironman experiences is that it rarely goes to plan.

So, next 3 weeks, mentally putting the race together.  I've been working on my mental game in the sports individually but have neglected putting it all together, it seemed so daunting.  It seems between work training and life I haven't taken the time to contemplate how big this really is.  Fortunately (or unfortunately we'll see how it goes) taper is coming and I will have some time to think about it more.

Long run up today, I've been procrastinating because outside there is a torrential downpour (seriously I may as well be swimming with this rain) and crazy wind, was hoping it would calm down, but since it shows no signs of stopping I'll suit up with some old running shoes and head out into the madness.

Wish me luck I don't drown.

Carpe Diem